How Much?

Jul. 18th, 2006 11:26 pm
tastes_of_honey: (Eye)
I’ve gotten desperate enough that I'm considering letting Dr. Faust take a crack at getting my implant out. I don't know if I can trust this guy. Or if he can actually fix me.This is my skull the guy would be breaking into. Then there's the bit about the thing being partially buried in my brain....The guy wears a paper bag over his head with one eyehole cut out and carries a giant scalpel! So I’m all "Am I that desperate?" And answering myself, "...possibly."

How desperate am I, part 2? I nearly asked a unicorn for help.
tastes_of_honey: (White)
Despite my frustration over being chipped, I'm still not desperate enough for this.
tastes_of_honey: (Fire)
The corpse also had an implant in its head. Damned thing turned on and gave one of the technicians one hell of a shock as they took it out. It was really clamped in there, bits of it snaking into brain tissue. They had to cut, sometimes deeply, to get it out.

::deep breath:: They hope to find a way to make mine let go on its own first.
tastes_of_honey: (White)
I made Nagi show me the body. He didn't want to, but I told him that I'd imagine worse, completely true. I'd gotten some images off [livejournal.com profile] only_won, but people's memories can be unreliable, particularly in the emotional state he was in.

It really was the Ghost of Schuldig's Fatal Future in that high-tech fridge/casket. How the hell hadn't his Crawford noticed the dull, brittle hair and chapped lips? It's harder to tell much off corpse skin but that had probably suffered too. He fucking knew the rates and signs of decline!

I tried to be all cool and clinical, like how I bitched that the headshot might have pulverized and blown some important evidence out the back of his skull, but that was me in there, burnt-out and dead and with a hole put through his head. At least his Crawford had closed his eyes. It was me Nagi's people were going to autopsy and vivisect....

Eventually Nagi dragged me away to his office, and I really appreciated the comfort sex.

When I got back home, Brad had us watch some movie, I don't remember which, and drink, while he stroked my hair. Nagi had contacted him. I fell asleep with my head in his lap and woke up with a blanket on me and sleepy Brad bitching about his legs going dead. So I took advantage of where I was to wake him up more.

Comfort sex, but again it was more comfort for my partner than for me. Though by the end there's not much difference.

Brad called the healer and said screw waiting until we get the implant out, he wants me healed now, even if it means that he has to pay again to have me healed again after the implant is taken out. Now that's what a Brad Crawford should be doing! Unfortunately, the healer said the implant would be too much of a problem and could block him so no go.

But Brad cares. It's sweet. And we have some new avenues of research to drive down.

...

Jun. 26th, 2006 07:28 am
tastes_of_honey: (Oh Please)
::shudder::
tastes_of_honey: (Atrocity (recent))
I had another attack, this one lasting 10 minutes, but I think it helped give evidence to the current theory Nagi's tech guys have: The implant is accelerating my decline. When the attack hit I first felt something like fire or lightning in the part of my head the implant is located in. I always have but didn't realize what it meant.

See, all telepaths in my world are likely to wear out faster than regular people. Not all of them have a chip in their head that was supposed to make them more obedient and boost their power. Sometimes I can barely handle what I already have, something everybody knew, so they wanted to give me more? Stupid fuckers. Well, neither aspect of the chip actually worked exactly as planned. Unfortunately, what it is doing is turning itself on and off and working at levels it wasn't meant to operate at. It's also latched into my brain and nervous system and doing damage.

And there's the problem. Nagi's tech guys aren't sure they can get it out without causing further serious damage to my brain, nervous system, and telepathy. Right now they're trying to see if they can make it shut off permanently at least.

I now have an idea of when it went in because Nagi recovered something out of the disc of my super sekrit medical files. Ten years ago I apparently pissed off one of my trainers badly enough that she went totally apeshit on me. Apeshit enough that Eszett had to drill into my head to relieve the pressure of the bleeding inside my skull. How convenient an opportunity was that, hey? I don't remember it because a lot of the time is just gone. Brad didn't know what happened because Eszett created a cover story and let him think it was just a matter of a month of standard indoctrination. Me coming out with my hair shaved down again wasn't a surprise.

So how was your day?
tastes_of_honey: (Such Crap)
We found someone who might be able to help me out: a healer. Healers, at least true psionic good ones, are rare, so he's expensive but Nagi bargained a better rate for me on a bulk basis by saying he'd bring his organization's injured business the guy's way.

While doing various scans to try to figure out the damaged areas before he gets here, we found out that I have some kind of metal implant inside my skull. We're all really pissed off right now.

And good thing we didn't do an MRI first.

Now you might ask, Schu-Schu, how could you, cynic and constant traveler that you are, have a metal implant inside your skull and not know? Well, Virginia, all my doctoring used to be done by Eszett--people like me, Brad, and Nagi have special health needs, you know--and I haven't gotten a head injury requiring scans since. I'm just that good. I also have official medical papers that give me a pass through metal detectors. There's a bullet lodged in my back near my spine that nobody removed because nobody wanted to take the chance of crippling me and destroying my usefulness, and I have a lot of small metal and glass shrapnel under my skin from a car crash in my early 20s. (Brad was so impressed that I was still killing the guy even in the wreckage.) Sometimes tiny bits of car still work their way out through my skin even to the present day. I know I look great, considering, but that's due to how well and quickly I heal, a talent that made my recent decline even more of a kick in the head to all of us.

But what about all that hair I have, wouldn't I notice if some had been shaved off to make it neater to get into my skull? Eszett used to shave heads as a punishment gesture. As you can imagine, I'd been buzzed a few times.

And they had some healers who could have speeded up the healing process big time to make it more undetectable.

Of course, our next questions are, What was it put in there to do? and Is it contributing to or causing a lot of my problems? We do know that it's not a tracking device, and if it's an explosive I'm sure Eszett would have triggered it years ago, but that's it.

Mopping Up

Jun. 5th, 2006 12:01 am
tastes_of_honey: (Default)
We've been looking over [livejournal.com profile] killwithmymind's list of folks who might know a cure for my condition, and a lot of them are dead. Some of them by our hand. They were evil bastards, okay? Eszett didn't hire humanitarians.

Found one of them, but he wasn't a big shot, more of a sorcerer's apprentice. He told me something that might actually be true: that Eszett didn't bother looking for a cure because it was cheaper to just kill the worn-out telepaths and replace them with younger, fresher ones. I read his mind, so he really does think that's true. Smirking, he told me I'd eventually reach a point where I'd be drowned and screaming and the only thing left to do would be to put me out of my misery....

Brad put him out of his misery.

Turns out that our Nagi had appropriated some Eszett files too back in the day and found some studies on declining telepaths. He's having his staff look into it.

I don't understand why they're doing this, without pay even. Nagi I kind of get because he always goes sweet on his lays, but Brad can't even say himself why he's doing it. When the guy who prides himself on knowing everything comes up with a hole in his motivations, it can be uncomfortable for both of us to feel, even aside from how it makes the world go wobbly and Hell freeze over.
tastes_of_honey: (Fire)
I was gonna be cool and not say anything, but since when can I keep my mouth shut?

Brad has been so nice to me the last few days since... that time. So nice. And we finished the bodyguarding job so he said that next we'd do something I'd like more because "life is too short." The way he's been looking at me....

I'd rather a long life of us fighting and him being a bastard than him being nice to me because he thinks I have even less time left than we suspected before.
tastes_of_honey: (Losing Myself)
Funny thing, the Nexus. When it's good, it's great. When it sucks... it makes me very tired. Too much self-righteousness and hypocrisy for me to bear lately, and that's considering I have a high tolerance for that shit from hanging around Weiß. Too many "Heroes" who don't do squat here to deserve the term yet hold me in contempt.

Too much idiocy too lately. I mean, I wait around for somebody to figure out that [livejournal.com profile] al_notfullmetal manipulates the hell out of an entire set of Edward Elrics, yet everyone is still too blinded by his cuteness to get it. Same goes for how people react to [livejournal.com profile] dream_departed, though she at least occasionally admits to some self-awareness. I just don't have the patience to wait for people to get a brain. I'm bored.

I'm depressed again. If I'm depressed, something is wrong because I am joie de vivre guy.

The mood swings have been bad. Worse here than at home. I read my comments to people later and watch myself shifting to match every person. Yohji's back and freaking out over being as much of an idiot as he ever was despite being warned, and I can't even get a tiny feeling of glee over it. [livejournal.com profile] just_a_murder has bad sex with [livejournal.com profile] feline_casanova and I get so depressed I was almost useless until Farf took me away and fucked me back to sanity. Good old Farf. That's a bright spot I have in the Nexus that I don't have at home anymore.

But home's not much good anymore either.

Shit. This is bad.

Mood swings go with the telepathy, but once they hit a certain level they're the first station on the train line to Crazyville. And I'm old for a telepath.

I'm gonna compose myself a bit, then go back home for a while. If he notices me like this, Brad will tell me to go get paid killing something while he goes onto his computer to research whatever the hell. He's been researching since his hair went white, wondering if he's starting to hit his expiration date, though he didn't want me to know that. I don't need him starting to wonder about me too.

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August 2013

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