tastes_of_honey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tastes_of_honey) wrote2007-01-05 11:59 pm
tastes_of_honey) wrote2007-01-05 11:59 pm
Entry tags:
- aya,
- farfarello,
- greed,
- ichigo,
- ken,
- london,
- london aya,
- nagi
Adrift
Poor Ichigo needs to be protected from himself again. He doesn't know how fortunate he is that I've taken a charitable interest in him. Jessica Rabbit is convinced that I'm the decent sort of guy who cares more about a woman's brains than her bodacious body. Most of that is true. There's the possibility that blankets get a voyeuristic thrill from feeling the people under them. At least that's the impression I got from talking to Yarn. I rarely have yarn that answers back.
Hmmm.
Schu-Schu's been a bit unsteady lately, folks. Unanchored. You might have noticed or not. It's been a combination of a lot of things.
I'm not adjusting as quickly to the move to London as I should be. I dunno if it's from being old--in Eszett's reckoning I'm 33 now, not that I necessarily trust that--or from spending so much time in Japan in the last 11 years on and off. I got too acclimated to things and the culture and language and automatically standing out from the crowd when I let myself be visible. You know what an attention whore I can be. Sometimes I actually touch Aya or Ken's minds just to feel something more familiar. I mean, Ken? That's pathetic. I'm trying to keep it all from Brad but he sees it a bit so he's shifting back and forth from the stern asshole he used to be to the more concerned partner he's had to become to keep me around, and it's freaking both of us out. My Nagi wanted to show up to help me out, but he'd be a familiar taste to hide in right now, and I have to be more ruthless with myself.
Farf hasn't been around much. I really should have expected that, considering. It's not his fault.
I met![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
killwithmymind's Schuldig, who has really been a gigantic disappointment. I know he's much younger but fuck I am sure I wasn't that dumb. There's just no way.
And then there's London Aya, who's kind of a positive but still mindbreaking thing. I kept my promise that I wouldn't pounce him, but I ended up meeting him on a job anyway. It turns out that we were both paid to terminate a serial killer preying on club folks. Nobody likes corpses near their venue. The perp had a taste for redheads, so I added more red as a temporary color to mine, dressed sluttier, and went where the flow took me. And found Aya, who was on a solo mission trying to be bait but wasn't looking hedonistic at all. In fact, he looked annoyed and like he'd rather be anywhere but here, even though he had dressed a bit clubby. His little psi thing helped him see me, though he didn't know that's what it was. It's no big thing since I was being more notice-me to get the sicko out for me. (Fucker! Preying on my people: the hedonists!) Aya was pissed off, but I went over and told him that, pretty as he was, he wouldn't draw the guy. He wasn't slutty enough for it. If he danced with me a bit, the two of us would have to get the asshole's attention. With the success of the mission at stake, he agreed to it.
At first he more circled me like he was looking for an opening to kill me, but he started to relax a bit the longer we did it, especially once his psi started to sync a bit with mine. Fuck, even his psi is lonely and looking for contact, even though it won't quite admit it. Aya was ripping himself up a bit with the wanting to let loose a little bit somewhere in his life warring against his natural distrust of people and experience in getting fucked over with no lube by life. Before he got too uncomfortable I let him know that we had the guy's full attention and could lead him away by leaving now.
We left with Aya walking almost close to me and him being frustrated by how he felt like he could almost trust me on this case. Guy came at us with what would have been a stealthy run if we weren't what we were. Aya turned to shoot but I did it first and faster, so his kill shot went through him about half a minute after mine. Aya was ready to kill me for poaching his kill, but I told him he could take it and I'd just tell my employers the truth that somebody had been on the bastard before me. You could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears and the "Does not compute" message. (I didn't need this kill anyway since we'd been here long enough to make our rep.)
He stared at me and I felt him working something through in his head so I already had some time to deal with my brain breaking before he actually asked if he had something like I had, the telepathy. Because he'd been feeling something that might be it lately. Well, blow me down. I told him that he did and that we could meet another time to talk about it because having a corpse nearby didn't allow for longish conversations, and he agreed to it. Maybe because I very carefully did not call it a date. I have some sense of discretion.
I had him meet me in a place in public so he wouldn't get as nervous about a trap and in a café where two guys sitting close together and being intense about it wouldn't be as noticeable and where we could sit without being hustled to leave it. We didn't sit across from each other because we both wanted to sit with our backs to the wall and a view of the door. Most people had no idea what that was about.
I let him know that he had some psi, a little bit of telepathy. He told me that he'd thought it might be because he'd been hearing fragments of things that no one seemed to be saying aloud. Mostly mean, unedited stuff but he hadn't realized that about the unedited, just figuring that people were like that. Just like the first time I recently saw him, his psi reached out for me a bit and I reached back, but this time it didn't flee. It really was small, but the small talents get screwed up the worst sometimes just because they don't get the grand, obvious announcement of "Hey, you're a freak!" He didn't have anything that announced itself the last time I saw him years ago. Maybe it had been even smaller then. Maybe the sheer fucked-uppedness of that school shit that went down and losing Yohji and Weiß self-destructing had provided enough additional trauma to bring it out. Trauma can do that to some people.
The whole Yohji thing had broken him apart. He had some thing going with Ken now but it wasn't a relationship, just some physical comfort. Ken knew it and didn't mind because he knew why. That slight, pleasant Stepford smile Aya put on his mouth and eyes prevented anyone who didn't know him well from asking or worrying about him. Aya had finally realized that being the sullen mystery man of few words just piqued people's interest. I should have been feeling smug but I just felt... pity, which he would still hate me for if he knew. It was such a fucking waste.
I told him that non-Eszett people are out there looking for people like us, which didn't surprise him at all. I touched his face--something he allowed me--and showed him how to start shielding. His face lit up a little as a headache he'd had for so long he'd stopped consciously noticing it went away. I told you, small talents can sometimes have it the worst. I told him that he should work on that on his own for a bit, then come back to me for more training. He said he would and... thanked me, his expression almost soft and almost smiling for real a little, and we had something you might almost call a Moment. Then he recovered himself a bit, tossed down some money for his coffee, and left, though I saw him give me one last look before he went out the door.
So he kinda likes me! He wants me to train him!
...and I'm having a crisis of faith in myself.
I hate humanity. I'm a sadist. I only get even a bit squishy about My Own. For years my favorite hobby was tormenting the kittens--all of them, Aya included--but right now I don't even want to fuck with dumb Ken's head. It seems kind of... dumb. Done. Fuck, I don't know.
I can't go soft. I can't. You get soft, you get complacent, you get useless and dead.
Though I may fuck over Chloe's head since Aya thinks he's a racist asshole.
Hmmm.
Schu-Schu's been a bit unsteady lately, folks. Unanchored. You might have noticed or not. It's been a combination of a lot of things.
I'm not adjusting as quickly to the move to London as I should be. I dunno if it's from being old--in Eszett's reckoning I'm 33 now, not that I necessarily trust that--or from spending so much time in Japan in the last 11 years on and off. I got too acclimated to things and the culture and language and automatically standing out from the crowd when I let myself be visible. You know what an attention whore I can be. Sometimes I actually touch Aya or Ken's minds just to feel something more familiar. I mean, Ken? That's pathetic. I'm trying to keep it all from Brad but he sees it a bit so he's shifting back and forth from the stern asshole he used to be to the more concerned partner he's had to become to keep me around, and it's freaking both of us out. My Nagi wanted to show up to help me out, but he'd be a familiar taste to hide in right now, and I have to be more ruthless with myself.
Farf hasn't been around much. I really should have expected that, considering. It's not his fault.
I met
killwithmymind's Schuldig, who has really been a gigantic disappointment. I know he's much younger but fuck I am sure I wasn't that dumb. There's just no way.And then there's London Aya, who's kind of a positive but still mindbreaking thing. I kept my promise that I wouldn't pounce him, but I ended up meeting him on a job anyway. It turns out that we were both paid to terminate a serial killer preying on club folks. Nobody likes corpses near their venue. The perp had a taste for redheads, so I added more red as a temporary color to mine, dressed sluttier, and went where the flow took me. And found Aya, who was on a solo mission trying to be bait but wasn't looking hedonistic at all. In fact, he looked annoyed and like he'd rather be anywhere but here, even though he had dressed a bit clubby. His little psi thing helped him see me, though he didn't know that's what it was. It's no big thing since I was being more notice-me to get the sicko out for me. (Fucker! Preying on my people: the hedonists!) Aya was pissed off, but I went over and told him that, pretty as he was, he wouldn't draw the guy. He wasn't slutty enough for it. If he danced with me a bit, the two of us would have to get the asshole's attention. With the success of the mission at stake, he agreed to it.
At first he more circled me like he was looking for an opening to kill me, but he started to relax a bit the longer we did it, especially once his psi started to sync a bit with mine. Fuck, even his psi is lonely and looking for contact, even though it won't quite admit it. Aya was ripping himself up a bit with the wanting to let loose a little bit somewhere in his life warring against his natural distrust of people and experience in getting fucked over with no lube by life. Before he got too uncomfortable I let him know that we had the guy's full attention and could lead him away by leaving now.
We left with Aya walking almost close to me and him being frustrated by how he felt like he could almost trust me on this case. Guy came at us with what would have been a stealthy run if we weren't what we were. Aya turned to shoot but I did it first and faster, so his kill shot went through him about half a minute after mine. Aya was ready to kill me for poaching his kill, but I told him he could take it and I'd just tell my employers the truth that somebody had been on the bastard before me. You could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears and the "Does not compute" message. (I didn't need this kill anyway since we'd been here long enough to make our rep.)
He stared at me and I felt him working something through in his head so I already had some time to deal with my brain breaking before he actually asked if he had something like I had, the telepathy. Because he'd been feeling something that might be it lately. Well, blow me down. I told him that he did and that we could meet another time to talk about it because having a corpse nearby didn't allow for longish conversations, and he agreed to it. Maybe because I very carefully did not call it a date. I have some sense of discretion.
I had him meet me in a place in public so he wouldn't get as nervous about a trap and in a café where two guys sitting close together and being intense about it wouldn't be as noticeable and where we could sit without being hustled to leave it. We didn't sit across from each other because we both wanted to sit with our backs to the wall and a view of the door. Most people had no idea what that was about.
I let him know that he had some psi, a little bit of telepathy. He told me that he'd thought it might be because he'd been hearing fragments of things that no one seemed to be saying aloud. Mostly mean, unedited stuff but he hadn't realized that about the unedited, just figuring that people were like that. Just like the first time I recently saw him, his psi reached out for me a bit and I reached back, but this time it didn't flee. It really was small, but the small talents get screwed up the worst sometimes just because they don't get the grand, obvious announcement of "Hey, you're a freak!" He didn't have anything that announced itself the last time I saw him years ago. Maybe it had been even smaller then. Maybe the sheer fucked-uppedness of that school shit that went down and losing Yohji and Weiß self-destructing had provided enough additional trauma to bring it out. Trauma can do that to some people.
The whole Yohji thing had broken him apart. He had some thing going with Ken now but it wasn't a relationship, just some physical comfort. Ken knew it and didn't mind because he knew why. That slight, pleasant Stepford smile Aya put on his mouth and eyes prevented anyone who didn't know him well from asking or worrying about him. Aya had finally realized that being the sullen mystery man of few words just piqued people's interest. I should have been feeling smug but I just felt... pity, which he would still hate me for if he knew. It was such a fucking waste.
I told him that non-Eszett people are out there looking for people like us, which didn't surprise him at all. I touched his face--something he allowed me--and showed him how to start shielding. His face lit up a little as a headache he'd had for so long he'd stopped consciously noticing it went away. I told you, small talents can sometimes have it the worst. I told him that he should work on that on his own for a bit, then come back to me for more training. He said he would and... thanked me, his expression almost soft and almost smiling for real a little, and we had something you might almost call a Moment. Then he recovered himself a bit, tossed down some money for his coffee, and left, though I saw him give me one last look before he went out the door.
So he kinda likes me! He wants me to train him!
...and I'm having a crisis of faith in myself.
I hate humanity. I'm a sadist. I only get even a bit squishy about My Own. For years my favorite hobby was tormenting the kittens--all of them, Aya included--but right now I don't even want to fuck with dumb Ken's head. It seems kind of... dumb. Done. Fuck, I don't know.
I can't go soft. I can't. You get soft, you get complacent, you get useless and dead.
Though I may fuck over Chloe's head since Aya thinks he's a racist asshole.
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::If I keep acting the way I have been, it could become better for the team as a whole that I leave. Without the threat of Esset, there's no reason for them to put up with my crap.::
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::I missed you. A lot. And you left after Farf had already taken off.... It was hard on me.::
::small smile::
::Especially when I had nowhere else to go and ended up staying with Brad. Made me feel kind of pathetic.::
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::From what you've said, I've been far worse with the pranks. And Schu does know why I'm doing it, even if the others don't. I just don't know what the hell he was trying to pull by showing me what he did.::
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::Maybe he thought it would help you.::
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London has some cool clothing stores. I can't complain about that.
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