"Of course he's mad," I decided.

[tastes_of_honey]

I hate talking Dostoyevsky with Farfarello. Hate it with a passion. With how much Dostoyevsky gets into the meaning and existence of God it's like tapdancing through a minefield.

We were on surveillance when he started talking about The Possessed. Its Russian name is Бесы, tr. Besy. Newer translations into English sometimes give the title as The Devils or Demons. He knew I read it ages ago, about... 1994 or something. It puts me at a disadvantage, as he well knew, since it wasn't fresh in my mind and the only person I could try to pull it from would be him, with his views on it attached, and I did not want to go there. At least he'd read an older translation too. I somehow got through about a half hour of this with my shields shut tight, and I have the headache from Hell now. Anyway, this is the text of the section he's currently latched onto, which I looked up online:

“Man fears death because he loves life. That's how I understand it,” I observed, “and that's determined by nature.”

“That's abject; and that's where the deception comes in.” His eyes flashed. “Life is pain, life is terror, and man is unhappy. Now all is pain and terror. Now man loves life, because he loves pain and terror, and so they have done according. Life is given now for pain and terror, and that's the deception. Now man is not yet what he will be. There will be a new man, happy and proud. For whom it will be the same to live or not to live, he will be the new man. He who will conquer pain and terror will himself be a god. And this God will not be.”

“Then this God does exist according to you?”

“He does not exist, but He is. In the stone there is no pain, but in the fear of the stone is the pain. God is the pain of the fear of death. He who will conquer pain and terror will become himself a god. Then there will be a new life, a new man; everything will be new . . . then they will divide history into two parts: from the gorilla to the annihilation of God, and from the annihilation of God to . . .”

“To the gorilla?”

“... To the transformation of the earth, and of man physically. Man will be God, and will be transformed physically, and the world will be transformed and things will be transformed and thoughts and all feelings. What do you think: will man be changed physically then?”

“If it will be just the same living or not living, all will kill themselves, and perhaps that's what the change will be?”

“That's no matter. They will kill deception. Every one who wants the supreme freedom must dare to kill himself. He who dares to kill himself has found out the secret of the deception. There is no freedom beyond; that is all, and there is nothing beyond. He who dares kill himself is God. Now every one can do so that there shall be no God and shall be nothing. But no one has once done it yet.”

“There have been millions of suicides.”

“But always not for that; always with terror and not for that object. Not to kill fear. He who kills himself only to kill fear will become a god at once.”

-- from CHAPTER III. THE SINS OF OTHERS
of The Possessed by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Rendered into HTML on Sun Oct 19 18:05:03 2003, by Steve Thomas for The University of Adelaide Library Electronic Texts Collection.

I don't even want to guess if he's planning to do something with this. The section leading up to this has a discussion between the characters as to why there aren't more suicides, and Mr. Kirillov says it's mostly from fear of pain and fear of God's punishment. At least I'm certain Farfarello isn't planning suicide. He's probably more interested in the bits about killing and becoming God. (And the pain and terror, of course.) Makes my head hurt regardless. Personally, I think this part a ways afterward, spoken by Mr. Kirillov, fits him well: “I know not how it is with the others, and I feel that I cannot do as others. Everybody thinks and then at once thinks of something else. I can't think of something else. I think all my life of one thing. God has tormented me all my life. . .”

I've always preferred Crime and Punishment, though. It's a lot funnier. Cheer up, emo Raskolnikov! You'll get whipped by fewer coach drivers and wake up under fewer bushes that way!

Comments

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

We don't give him literature. We know better. He picks this stuff up on his own. I can't police him every minute of the day; I'd go nuts.

[dimension-bitch.livejournal.com]

"It's too bad about him having an autonomic mind, hm? Such a mess."

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

If I had a choice I'd keep him in a cone of silence all day long.

[dimension-bitch.livejournal.com]

She sniggers. "Hanging him from the ceiling doesn't work anymore, does it?" She kisses his temple to comfort him. "I'm sorry. Headache is slightly better now, I hope?"

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Hanging doesn't work anymore. Used to be he'd get more upset at first, then quiet down to muttering and sometimes crying. In later years it'd just make him more and more upset, which defeats the purpose. Besides, it's not like he's doing something really disruptive or bloody that needs a big time-out. He's just playing with my head, passing time, and trying to figure out his place again.

Thanks. It's a bit better.

[dimension-bitch.livejournal.com]

"Well, don't let him get to far. Or I'll have to kick his ass," she winks.

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I'll keep that in mind as a threat. ::And hope that Yuuko being a witch doesn't make her more enticing to Farfarello, who used to be semi-married to a different kind of witch, because they have troubles enough as is.::

[dimension-bitch.livejournal.com]

Well, she doens't look like your traditional witch, not even in the 'wiccan' sense. She won't tell Farfarello, either, if she ever meets him. "It's a dire one."