"I don't wanna be your friend...."

[tastes_of_honey]

So I heard Kid Rock's "So Hot," sometimes subtitled "The Stripper's Anthem," and it's, uhm, genius. Ja. I'm particularly intrigued by the line "I wanna fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again." I'm sure he means that he's going to have dirty, kinky sex, but when I hear that line I can only think that it's Kid Rock and he's gonna fuck her badly and not worry about it.

Agree? Disagree?

Comments

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...but, I can make him happy. He's pleased with me.
I, he's pleased because what I'm doing is right.

*Knowing what he did was right is a rare experience, to go off how that statement feels inside his head*

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I'm missing you already.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked] ((And I hate forgetting to close tags))

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

--I haven't... I didn't- I.

*another jolt of transition, there- apparently pushing too hard is a little too scary. ...has Schu seen Dick around the Nexus for a good while, really- or has it been this persona- this one who associates itself far more with the domino and the stripey pyjamas?*

You could be a LITTLE nicer about the point you're trying to make, you know. You say sharp transitions aren't 'polite'- is scaring the shit out of people polite?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked] ((And I hate forgetting to close tags))

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Sharp transition? I've tried and tried and had long conversations with various parts of you about this. I've couched things in the politest way possible. Ain't working. I'm getting tired of moving my jaw uselessly on the issue as he keeps sliding downhill.

And you know what? It's the truth. People change, but this hasn't been a positive change. I miss the person I used to talk to, and it looks like it'll just get worse from here. Maybe Bruce likes his partners weak or maybe not--I can only go on what I've been told of him--but I like my friends with their spines intact. The weak get ground up and devoured. Hearing someone I talk to sound like he wouldn't mind that turns my stomach.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

So you never had the feeling you'd give up whatever it took to accomplish a goal? To feel safe- wanted?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I have. I nearly got myself killed to gain my freedom. I worked for horrible, abusive people I hated for years looking toward that day when we could bring it all tumbling down. I let a fat old man I could have killed in seconds beat me about the head with a golf club because it was necessary to achieve our goals.

But what kind of "safety" is it you have if you destroyed yourself to get it? How can you feel truly wanted if you had to become someone different to maintain it? In my analysis, that makes it false safety and a false sense of being wanted. And can you really say you feel safe when you spend so much time obsessing over whether you've just done something that will make him kick you out the door?

Here, the dubious benefits are not worth the cost. That's the difference.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...

...but- he needs me. Not just like that, he needs someone to watch his back. He needs someone who can keep him safe from falling into the shadow with Jonathan. And he doesn't want to become Batman.
That means he needs something he can call his own. That's what he wants and that isn't dead and gone.

I do see your point. I'm just not sure you're seeing all the pieces of the puzzle.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm not, but all of that sounds like you making your life revolve around him and making him into something intosomething you want him to become, Batman, that he's not so enthused about. I'll grant you that it's a tangled mess.

It's still a terrible idea that sounds like you'll have to rip yourself apart while still spending every day living in anxiety about whether he still wants you or not anyway.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

I don't want him to become Batman. I want him to be Bruce Wayne.
...but happy.

If that means I'm the masked vigilante who keeps the city clean and he just finances what I'm doing, that's fine. As long as I can look at that smile and know that I really did make a difference, you know?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

The last bit is fine. But if you're going to do it by splitting yourself into the hard guy with no compassion who's the masked vigilante and Bruce's loveslave who doesn't have an opinion of his own aside from how he must do absolutely anything to please his man and who flinches at a shadow, things will end badly.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*a looong pause*

Is... that how it looks, from out there. I just- he doesn't like the vigilante, it- he's afraid of it, same as he's afraid of Batman. I don't want to scare him.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

That's how it looks from out here. You know that thing about how you keep trying to separate your "soft" and "hard" qualities into separate people? This is where that doesn't work, because here I am being a compassionate friend who's taking a risk and being strong to tell you that I'm worried.

How does he feel about crime? How does he feel about vigilantes? Or is this just about his lover putting his life on the line against hardened criminals?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*more relaxed- and attentive*
You really think that it's a problem. But- how do I, how could I be both...

He wants to stop the crime. He's seriously thinking about becoming a vigilante. But- but with Crane's help.
*--yeah, that probably would NOT go over well with Dick*
But if I'm good enough? He won't have to. And I know-- Bruce's world is like what the world was when I was eight. I can pick out the pieces before they even grow to something important.

And I have been.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Don't you need to be strong to truly be compassionate? It takes guts to be a good person and live it. And if Nightwing becomes all about the asskicking, just taking criminals out for some hard dead purpose, aren't you losing the human touch that reminds you of the innocents you're taking the scum off the street to protect?

::Crawford would be laughing right now, but Crawford is also a man utterly in denial about his own "softer" emotions, few though they may be, and that's one reason why Schu isn't his live-in partner anymore.::

If he's half of everything our Crane is, I can understand your disquiet.

I think stomping out the seeds and ripping out the roots before things grow more is a great idea.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*...wait, that was a switch, wasn't it?*
I'll talk to Bruce. I... you're right really. I can tell you are.

*A little fidgeting*
I don't think I could take losing him again. We're- we're only lovers because it's what he wanted.
I was what he wanted.
I thought- I let him have me because I thought I could keep him from sending me away... but he made me love him. It, the. The stakes became different.

I don't think I could lose him, Schuldig.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I really want this to work out for you in a way that will be happy and healthy for both of you.

I'm glad that you love him and he actually gets you off, but if you're going to be sacrificing your body like that it's not a good thing. It worked out here, but what if it hadn't? Would you still be having sex with him even if he was a crap lover or even hurt you just because he was a Bruce, he wanted it, and you couldn't deal with abandonment again?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*a loooong pause*
I'd follow him to the end of the earth. Not because he's a Bruce.
Because he's my Bruce.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

::Had Schu ever been that young? No. He'd had the hormones once, yeah, but everybody he'd been had loved and lost so many times already even before he'd cobbled a self together out of them and called it Schuldig. But telling somebody he's young has never been a convincing argument, and fuck this has been a long conversation in which he's hit similar points over and over like a game of psych whack-a-mole so....::

Remember all of this, okay? And remember this too: you're a survivor. You've been knocked down but you're still getting up. You've done that.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...I have, haven't I.

*that, after all, was a new point.*
And... it's good that I'm a survivor, isn't it. Me being a survivor is good.

*slightly more spine than Schu's heard out of Dick, in the whole conversation*

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Hell yeah. That's something to be proud of. A lot of people couldn't have handled it. They would have withdrawn totally or started self-medicating to get away from it. You're still standing, still doing things, and you did it yourself.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...good point.

I... guess some of it is that, everybody I've talked to in this Nexus, they- go on about how I should be doing this, or that, or the other?
Nobody says anything like 'great; you're your own person'.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I go to Nexus people for brainstorming. Doesn't mean I do whatever they say. I weigh it, and if I like it I do it. If I think it's bullshit, I ignore it.

My own team tried to rewrite me a bit a few months ago, to make me fit into their plans easier. I told them to go fuck themselves. I fought hard to be my own person. I still do.

You're your own person, Dick. That's as it should be. Anybody has a problem with them, tell 'em off.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

Well I, I mean. They say 'oh you need to be there when Batman needs you'- why should I? Why should I give a shit what he needs- he doesn't give a shit what I need, right?
They go off on me for trying to save the woman I love from winding up in a wheelchair. Seriously, they just go off. Even alternates of her.

Bruce looks like his eyes are gonna pop out of his head when he sees that I've been out patrolling and doing good, and takes it as a personal insult like I think he should be doing it instead of me.

It's... too many directions at once. And I guess I have problems of my own to deal with, huh.

((Oh, for further OOC facepalming, you may find the Marvin-the-Paranoid-Android LOL that just happened on dear_multiverse to be noteworthy.))

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Don't let the people with opinions get you down. It's your life to live, not theirs. Though I understand wanting to smack them for it.

The woman in the wheelchair... you're such a ridiculously self-sacrificing bunch. The ones currently in the chair might go off because she's had to make her damage have a greater purpose for herself to live with it better.


((...where is that? For health and fatigue reasons, I'm behind on everything today. Schu is ready for a long date with Jim Beam.))

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

That's how she puts it- Oh, I would never have found my purpose if that didn't happen.

...I haven't said that shows me what I should think my version of her thinks of what I might want, yet.

((It's over here (http://community.livejournal.com/dear_multiverse/3442649.html). Two *click* two *click* two Dicks from one!))