"I don't wanna be your friend...."

[tastes_of_honey]

So I heard Kid Rock's "So Hot," sometimes subtitled "The Stripper's Anthem," and it's, uhm, genius. Ja. I'm particularly intrigued by the line "I wanna fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again." I'm sure he means that he's going to have dirty, kinky sex, but when I hear that line I can only think that it's Kid Rock and he's gonna fuck her badly and not worry about it.

Agree? Disagree?

Comments

[oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

He definitely has a very good point there- I'm pretty sure I've tried to let him know I agree with that point. It's hard to move into a new role in life when you're quite used to another one.

...you can let someone feel what it feels like to fly like a bird? That would be pretty awesome.
*memories of being a child, of letting go of mother's hands, doing a double backflip and then being caught by father's hands, cross his mind*

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Especially when your old one made you feel powerful and special and your new one helpless and chained by rules.

He was getting really sulky, so I started feeding him silly images of gingerbread men and candy knights that ended up turning to rock candy dragons and birds. Not many people do that well that fast on meeting my images with other images, and it was fun to play. Being a bird really seemed to make him happy and chill so I kept him in it for a while.

It is awesome. ::smiles at the memories:: I hitched mental rides on birds sometimes when I was stressed or overwhelmed by people, particularly in Tokyo, which is cram packed with human minds. It's hard to remember to come back sometimes though.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

I bet that it would be hard to remember to come back...

He has an affection for birds. I. When. He.. when I was chained in his basement he. He made me remember--

*JERK of change in persona, quite abrupt, quite sudden; the internal monologue is entirely a different voice*
He made me remember what Joker did to me. And then he tried to punish me with- with turning crows loose on me.
He made me kill the birds.
It was him.
HE did it.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

...oi. He is a very bad man. ::Though this explains some things.::

Is there something I could do for you?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

That depends.
What do you want out of it?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I want things to get to a point where when I talk to your body the whole conversation is spent talking to the same person.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

You are already. ...aren't you? It's- some of me gets to be carefree and irresponsible and belong. Some of me is strong.

Both parts don't really- fit. In the same situation.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Not really. Sudden razor-sharp shifts in mood and voice are not usual. It's kind of déclassé too. I'm a gestalt, and I know people get suspicious over stuff like that. You sure as hell won't blend in doing it.

Why not?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*tone of voice shifts back a bit- Jonathan, the birds, they've been off the table long enough that it's probably safe* Bruce... he gets worried when I 'crank it up'. The first time we, uhm. Were together, I tried to sort of wrestle with him, just sort of sparring, right? And he- I thought. He looked just like, like Bruce back home when.
The last time I saw him.

It was pretty clear that's not welcome.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

...I know you're not going to like my opinion on this, but either you're so worried that he'll kick you out like your reality's Bruce so stupidly did that you're oversensitive, or your current Bruce needs his head kicked in if he actually does need you to be weak. You're making yourself schizoid for this guy. Eventually you're not going to be you.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...it's probably me.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Somebody who would want you to tear yourself apart for him isn't in love with you. Do you really think that's Bruce?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...but, I can make him happy. He's pleased with me.
I, he's pleased because what I'm doing is right.

*Knowing what he did was right is a rare experience, to go off how that statement feels inside his head*

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I'm missing you already.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked] ((And I hate forgetting to close tags))

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

--I haven't... I didn't- I.

*another jolt of transition, there- apparently pushing too hard is a little too scary. ...has Schu seen Dick around the Nexus for a good while, really- or has it been this persona- this one who associates itself far more with the domino and the stripey pyjamas?*

You could be a LITTLE nicer about the point you're trying to make, you know. You say sharp transitions aren't 'polite'- is scaring the shit out of people polite?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked] ((And I hate forgetting to close tags))

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Sharp transition? I've tried and tried and had long conversations with various parts of you about this. I've couched things in the politest way possible. Ain't working. I'm getting tired of moving my jaw uselessly on the issue as he keeps sliding downhill.

And you know what? It's the truth. People change, but this hasn't been a positive change. I miss the person I used to talk to, and it looks like it'll just get worse from here. Maybe Bruce likes his partners weak or maybe not--I can only go on what I've been told of him--but I like my friends with their spines intact. The weak get ground up and devoured. Hearing someone I talk to sound like he wouldn't mind that turns my stomach.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

So you never had the feeling you'd give up whatever it took to accomplish a goal? To feel safe- wanted?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

I have. I nearly got myself killed to gain my freedom. I worked for horrible, abusive people I hated for years looking toward that day when we could bring it all tumbling down. I let a fat old man I could have killed in seconds beat me about the head with a golf club because it was necessary to achieve our goals.

But what kind of "safety" is it you have if you destroyed yourself to get it? How can you feel truly wanted if you had to become someone different to maintain it? In my analysis, that makes it false safety and a false sense of being wanted. And can you really say you feel safe when you spend so much time obsessing over whether you've just done something that will make him kick you out the door?

Here, the dubious benefits are not worth the cost. That's the difference.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

...

...but- he needs me. Not just like that, he needs someone to watch his back. He needs someone who can keep him safe from falling into the shadow with Jonathan. And he doesn't want to become Batman.
That means he needs something he can call his own. That's what he wants and that isn't dead and gone.

I do see your point. I'm just not sure you're seeing all the pieces of the puzzle.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm not, but all of that sounds like you making your life revolve around him and making him into something intosomething you want him to become, Batman, that he's not so enthused about. I'll grant you that it's a tangled mess.

It's still a terrible idea that sounds like you'll have to rip yourself apart while still spending every day living in anxiety about whether he still wants you or not anyway.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

I don't want him to become Batman. I want him to be Bruce Wayne.
...but happy.

If that means I'm the masked vigilante who keeps the city clean and he just finances what I'm doing, that's fine. As long as I can look at that smile and know that I really did make a difference, you know?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

The last bit is fine. But if you're going to do it by splitting yourself into the hard guy with no compassion who's the masked vigilante and Bruce's loveslave who doesn't have an opinion of his own aside from how he must do absolutely anything to please his man and who flinches at a shadow, things will end badly.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*a looong pause*

Is... that how it looks, from out there. I just- he doesn't like the vigilante, it- he's afraid of it, same as he's afraid of Batman. I don't want to scare him.

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[tastes-of-honey.livejournal.com]

That's how it looks from out here. You know that thing about how you keep trying to separate your "soft" and "hard" qualities into separate people? This is where that doesn't work, because here I am being a compassionate friend who's taking a risk and being strong to tell you that I'm worried.

How does he feel about crime? How does he feel about vigilantes? Or is this just about his lover putting his life on the line against hardened criminals?

Re: [oh yes, definitely locked]

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

*more relaxed- and attentive*
You really think that it's a problem. But- how do I, how could I be both...

He wants to stop the crime. He's seriously thinking about becoming a vigilante. But- but with Crane's help.
*--yeah, that probably would NOT go over well with Dick*
But if I'm good enough? He won't have to. And I know-- Bruce's world is like what the world was when I was eight. I can pick out the pieces before they even grow to something important.

And I have been.